I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
