Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
