he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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