something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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