i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
