Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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