I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
