i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
