a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
