I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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