someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
