goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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