i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
