capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
