Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
