I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
