my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
