Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
