There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
