why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
