He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
