People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
