"it" just moved
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
