So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
