hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
