Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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