11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
