i wish starbucks made bloody marys
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
two words...techno handjob
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
