Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
