Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
