Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
