So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
