how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
