You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
