kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All the doctor said was why
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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