we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
