Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
