forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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