I must be too annoying 4 u.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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