I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
