My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
