I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
