I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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