she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
