I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
