Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
