i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
