How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
