We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
