This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize