Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
