I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
