Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
